The Snowball Syndrome

You know those old cartoons we watched as kids and how there was always that one episode where one of the characters goes sliding down a snow covered mountain and ends up a giant snowball? Life is so easily like that sometimes.

Sunday I was informed that Youth group was starting up at College Heights. I thought "hey that's cool the older kids will love that!". Then I was informed in front of the kids that all of them could attend. Suddenly I went from 5 kids to 13 that wanted to be at youth group every Wednesday. Still a very great idea, but not as easily managed as I thought it would be. Now I would have to find a van to transport them all in, someone to help corral them at the church, and most importantly get enough sleep Tuesday night to make it all the way through work from 8-5 and 13 kids till 9. Work was crazy this week and instead of letting Jay know what was up I just totally forgot about Wednesday until Wednesday hit, full on. Tuesday had been quite possibly the hardest day at work to date in four years in this office and so sleep was slight for that evening. I managed to get a van, but no help. Once again, probably could have been remedied, but after a while of people giving you the run around on being able to help or not you just stop wanting to call. That doesn't defeat the fact that I should have though. Because me not calling meant I ended up with 13 kids and a very tired me. I survived, but it was rough. They yelled the whole way there various forms of "he's touching me", "she looked at me", and "he started it" and then on the way back had to explain to three 7-8 year olds that flirting, kissing, or any other form of relational behavior between the three of them would not be tolerated. I was overwhelmed. I didn't even see it coming is the worst part. While I was there, people would ask if I was able to do this every week, help with some new idea for God's Resort, or some other completely unrelated activity. I can't and I won't I have decided.
I went to Randy's leadership class last night and he talked about three modes of leadership. I am tired of the Disneyland/funnel mode where all I am is personable all day and exhausted form activities at the end of it. I want to be relational, personal, and awake enough to be compassionate. That's why Megan and I moved down to God's Resort. Not to coordinate more activities, but to open the avenue to be more intentional in our relationships with the children and their families. We want to lead by example and by being around for the messy stuff, not constantly out running events. We want to live life with these families. So this means saying "no" to a lot of things people want us to say "yes" to. I hear that people say "no" all the time, and yet I still get a look of shock whenever I do. It's like the whole world might come crashing down on their heads, but honestly we live in the buckle of the bible belt here, if we can't find someone else to help we have more to be concerned about then the planning of another event.

Panic over nothing.

A friend asked me recently how Katie and I were doing, and I told her that we were fine. She didn't believe me, and pressed the topic a little more. I told her that things are coming together, that bigger projects have gotten done, that some smaller projects are still in progress, and that we are getting some what used to living with roaches. But the one thing that worried me, and that in my mind would/could break me, was our first electric bill. Living in the apartments, our electric bill was very reasonable, but in our new house because of the size, height of the ceiling, and the fact that we run two window units constantly I didn't think our electric bill would be even close to what it was before.
Our first electric bill came yesterday, and Katie came home from work and opened it, she gave me a call. The amount she told me was almost twice as much as what we had last payed at the apartment, and it was only for like 20 days, not even the whole month. I preceded to worry and stress about how we were going to come up with the money. Once I got home from work, the first thing I did was go to the fridge and look at the bill. After stressing out about it for at least 4 hours, I really didn't want to even look at it. So as I looked it over it didn't make sense, the amount we were being charged for usage was not the same among as what we owed on the total. After looking at the bill for several minutes I was finally able to figure out that it was not just the amount for the 20 or so days we had lived at 14Th street, but also our previous bill, (which we had just payed that morning). So in reality we will only end up paying approximately $30 more than what we payed at the apartment. Now that is an amount we can deal with.
Lesson learned: don't stress over stuff you have no control over, and things aren't always as bad as they seem.

Realizing Reality

Quade led me to the realization the other day that Meg and I are trying to understand the role of or become missionaries, adults, and mothers all at once. I feel like I am the worst of all three.

As far as being a missionary goes, nothing could have prepared me for the reality of culture shock. You can read books, talk to past workers, and even visit the area and people, but until you live right in the middle of said culture I have realized you cannot see the reality of it. Even now, living at God's Resort there is so much being thrown at us that it is almost impossible to process it all. Four years of studying the world, poverty, and culture could not prepare me for the reality of poverty right here in our backyard. What I read about poverty in Africa, Asia, or Latin America seems such a different world than the poverty Meg and I see out our windows. For now, much of the developing world is still facing absolute poverty. Basic essential needs are not being met due to deprivation. As the developing world sees the luxury and "essentials" of the developed world though, they shift into the idea of relative deprivation and suddenly basic necessities such as food, water, and shelter are no longer the primary focus for needs and transportation, entertainment, and commercial items become higher needs than those needed for basic survival. The idea that these commercial necessities are necessary comes from the social perception given by the developed world and often times societies seem to try and make the leap from absolute poverty to developed world luxury without filling in the necessary gaps to provide clean water, safe shelter, and nutritious food.
The longer we are at God's Resort the more certain I am that people cannot live in absolute poverty in the United States. The government has set up a system of relativity in measuring poverty, there is a continual onslaught of mass media telling people what material things are necessary for a happy life, they majority of which have no essential value in survival and have been made necessary only by social imprinting. The poor need only look one block over often times to see what they are lacking. Therefore the constant comparison of what one family has to what another does not creates an environment that breeds relative deprivation. I think the problem may be that those in generational poverty (the case for most of the families in our neighborhood) have never learned how to take care of basic necessities nor, I would dare say, have they learned to value those basic necessities. Without understanding the value of actual basic necessities, one can see where it would be very easy for a parent, or especially a child, to overlook nutritional food or hygiene in pursuit of fashionable clothing, entertainment, or popular junk food.

I remember going to school in the mornings back home and driving by houses that looked like they could fall in, but they had a satellite on the roof and new car parked outside in the driveway. I couldn’t understand how those things could take priority over safe housing, and honestly still cannot. It is one of the many things I am trying to process while living down at God’s Resort. I feel like maybe the answer lies in how society views status, but I may be wrong. So often it is how much you know about pop culture and what you present to the world in your dress and at your work that defines your status and quite possibly “worth” as a member of society. Therefore maybe satellite TV becomes the connection to pop culture and new cars and stylish clothing the mask to present a middle class status, when the internal workings of a person’s life are in shambles. I have seen it work. In all reality I think we have all made it work. Pretending to be something we are not, trying to jump classes. The middle class is ruled by these comforts, so why wouldn’t it make sense that the lower class would identify middle class status by these comforts, rather than the ability to provide security and nutrition. I have no answers. The only thing I have come to realize is that Christ led me by His example and therefore I will lead those around me by that example that He gave to me. I don’t have the first clue how to stop generational poverty, but I do know that God has called us to be obedient and available to his will. So that’s what Megan and I are trying to do, show up, listen, and see what happens.

The other tenant

So I am the other tenant of 312 W. 14th St. It has indeed been a long journey gettting to God's Resort. One that for me started over six months ago when I first wanted to move here. The timing just wasn't right at that point. No one wanted to live there, the neighborhood was worse then it is now, and the church was still getting things organized. After eight months a lot of that has changed.

I came back from Jamaica ready to be content with where God had me, in Joplin, at the Royal Orleans, working. It had taken forever it seemed to get to that point of contentment and Jamaica had given it to me. Then God called Megan to move to God's Resort and finally I had my partner to finish his call in my life. So we did it. I had come up with every possible obstacle we might face in the eight months preceding this so I was not quite so assured as Megan. It wasn't logical, it wasn't conveniant, and it was exactly the kind of thing God does to bring glory to His kingdom. His timing I have decided is never our timing, sometimes we miss it by minutes, sometimes by months, some wait years, but it always comes if it is truly a desire given by God and we must be patient and faithful until he has set the way.
So we moved! The house was less then clean, but we cleaned it. We had no refrigerator, so we ate a lot of Taco Bell and were blessed by many loving friends. We had no air conditioning, so we stayed with many other loving friends for the first almost two weeks. The house is coming together though. Day by day it becomes home. Having the kids there is such a joy, even in the tough moments you just can't help but love them and be so joyful to have the opportunity to spend so much time investing into them. We are already seeing changes in them which is incredible!

Right now we are setting up boundaries and they are testing them. It is almost like animals when they get new cages and start testing for secret ways in and out or the weakest link. These kids have tried everything. They knock at all hours of the day and night, windows, doors, walls. They yell when knocking doesn't work and all the while you must be patient and kind and explain what correct etiquette might be for that situation. Curfew is 10:00, which to me seems late, but for these kids is early. They haven't quite figured out what curfew is yet I think, if the lights in the house are on they take it as an invite to knock. Neither Megan nor I are getting the greatest amount of rest, but we know its worth it.

Pictures of our new refrigerator

So as Meg said we got our new refrigerator, but in order to get it into the house we had to take the doors off. It was quite the adventure!

we got a refrigirator

So when we decided to move in, our landlord told us that he would forfeit the deposit so that we could use that money to buy a refrigerator for the house. he said that he stopped providing refrigerators because the tenants didn't care for them and they had to throw them out when the tenants moved.
so this whole time Katie and I have been with out a fridge. we didn't really have the money to buy one either. Some people from the church gave us enough to buy one, so Katie started looking and didn't really find anything with in our budget. I was shopping for a side table for Katie's room because i took hers and put it in the living room, and there is was, in a furniture store. with in our budged and we would even have some money left over.
And today it came home, it was quite an ordeal getting in through doorways and stuff, but thanks to our great friends and brothers we were able to get it in. Praise the Lord.
Thanks for your continued prayers.

frustrations and encouragement...

there are many frustrations that come with moving. living in boxes for a while, cleaning, and just turning an empty house into a home. For Katie and myself there are a few added frustrations. we know that we are not moving into the best neighborhood, so there are certain precautions and dangers that we are aware of. Not to mention the bugs, and other little details that when added together can really be discouraging. but like scripture says: "if God is on our side, then who is against us?" my response always is, no one greater than God, that's for sure!
As Katie and I, along with our many great friends work hard at getting the house cleaned up there were a few days were i was more discouraged than i had been before. I was getting ready to give up and try and find a new place to live, but by God's great mercy and grace, encouragement came at the precise moment that I needed it. People came in and not only listened to our needs and frustrations but they embraced us and helped meet our needs. Only in God's family can this kind of encouragement and blessing be delivered. God is great, and when his people listen and obey, great things are done in His name.

Before...

The house that we are moving into at God's Resort required a lot of work. Here are some of the before pictures.

This is the "reading room" we call it that because it has a big built in bookcase. Our plans are to turn half of it into the kids room. With a table and chairs were they can sit and work on homework or just hang out. and the other half will be just a comfy reading area.

This is the kitchen, during the move it was the central location for all of the supplies that we needed to make the house clean and livable. Thanks to Kyle for re-caulking the sink and an amazing thanks to Jaqui who cleaned out the kitchen and liberated it from (i kid you not) at least a hundred dead cockroaches and re-lined all of our cabinets.

This is the first mouse that we caught at the house. I decided not to name it because he passed away the next morning. Hopefully we won't see very many more of these little furry creatures or Katie may get her wish and we may end up getting a cat.

This is Katie hard at work cleaning her new closet. Frankly shes a little scared of it. She has nicknamed it: THE TORTURE CHAMBER. But now that Timmy came over and filled in some of the wholes were mice and cockroaches could come through shes feeling a lot better about it.

This is Eddie and Emilie Gonzalez. They came over to help. Eddie does a great job of entertaining the kids and Emilie helps out cleaning the carpet in the reading room.

My older sister Erica came by to see if she could help, she brought along her 2month old daughter Ela. Ela was a lot of help. The kids loved her, until she started crying. Thanks for visiting and helping out Erica and Ela.

The gang hanging out while I was sowing the curtains to cover the 21 windows in the house. From left to right we have: Brenda, Sergio, Jaqui, Karen, Starla and Eternity. They are great company, helping out when they can or just keeping us busy answering questions.

Moving to God's Resort

I was driving back from a CIY (Christ In Youth) conference in Illinios when my roommate Katie called me. She had been in Jamaica for the last two weeks and had returned to our apartment while i was away. The reason she called was to tell me how frustrated she was that our apartment was infested with nasty cockroaches. She had come up with an idea to get rid of them: that we move all of our stuff to another apartment and have them spray down the one we where in, the move all of our stuff back. As apealing as this option sounded, i opted to say that if we were going to move all of our stuff; why didnt we just move to God's Resort?
Six months earlier to this proposition, Katie has said the same thing to me and three other girls that had wanted to live together to create a womens haven. A place where people that we met here in Joplin could go and have a place to live, shower, eat and rest for a while. Six months earlier i completely rejected the idea.
At CIY as young highschoolers were accepting Christ, rededicating their lives and deciding to go into vocational ministry; while Mark Moore was preaching about pain, isolation, community and that we where never meant to be alone. I asked the Lord to speak to me, and he did.
So this was how i found myself telling my roommate that we should move to God's Resort.
The night that i returned to Joplin, Katie and i talked about what i would mean to move to God's resort. The next monday we went to the neigborhood and then decided that if our current landlord would release us from our lease we would move.
So here we are now. Moved out of our apartment because we had to be out by the end of the month. Today is the first, the apartment is empty and we returned our keys. All of our belongings are at 312 Pearl St, where sheets are covering the windows, where i caught a mouse under a bucket, and where the basement is so scart we wont even go down there in the day.
But we wil be living in a place were we can make an influence in the lives of kids, were we can show adults how to love, where we can be a shining light reflecting the amazing love of our saviour Jesus Christ.