"Love of neighbor begins with the willingness to be inconvenienced. It means saying yes to God's right to direct people to us based on his objectives and their needs rather than our comfort or convenience."

I read this quote today as I was going through a book Mrs. Udell gave me on Randy White's ministry to inner-city Fresno. It's obviously a bigger city, but the same set-up. His family moved to the lowest income area of Fresno and a new life began. I read this quote and my stomach flipped. This isn't the first time I have been hit with this truth, but rather another reminder that will continue to keep me grounded. It is so hard to find a balance between finding rest and allowing yourself to be inconvenienced and uncomfortable. There is never a reprieve. If people aren't literally knocking at the door, you know you should be out visiting those you haven't seen recently. People always encourage self-sacrificing service while at the same time demanding an understanding of when to say no. I don't know that balance. I have fought and prayed and studied and still cannot find the mental balance to know when it is not being disobedient to say "I'm sorry but I cannot help you right now". This is usually when people say to delegate but the mere act of delegating the responsibility usually takes so much time to find someone willing to be inconvenienced that you either give up and do it yourself or have run out of rest time by the time you do find someone else and must move on to the next thing of the day.

I love the noise of our neighborhood. When it is quiet, it is almost eerie. You can hear everything going on in every home practically from different points in our home. It's an incredible prayer guide, but more than that it is an intense revelation of the beauty that is Christ. How He works in and through our neighborhood comes out in the soundtrack of the streets and homes and lives that compose God's Resort. The moments He gives of quiet rest though are cherished. The moments where you come home and just need a break to regroup and clear your mind to focus on God and He grants those moments.

I love our neighborhood. I love the inconvenience of it all; how it breaks through and shatters the structured, minute by minute plans of everyday americans. You cannot live too organized, too rigid, or it will wear you down quicker than anything known to man I believe. You have to leave your life wide open to be filled by His appointments, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Whether it be tying a shoe, fixing a light, or talking about serious issues, all are important in His eyes. All of these things are vital to His kingdom work. Like the Samaritan that stopped to help, we must be willing to stop. We must be willing to live in a way that stopping is allowed, encouraged, and looked forward to. We have, even in our service oriented Christian lives, bought into the need for security amid structure. Stepping outside of that security requires a step of faith that really reveals how much we are willing to trust God with. What I am beginning to realize though is it is not necessarily one big step, but rather thousands of tiny steps away from what society deems the way to live your life, and how God has called us to live our lives.

The weekend.

This weekend was quite busy for me. Not to mention the fact that i was also coming off of a very busy week. School has caught up with me and as fun as last weekend was at the retreat, it wasnt as restfull as i had desired it to be.

Friday was the international scream 2. Last year it was a lot of fun and we made some money. This year it was fun, but because the international club has grown so much and the members didn't have to pay, i don't think we actually made any money. But i had fun, and i know a lot of other people did as well. Friday morning I woke up and worked on Katie's costume and also on mine. I made a shirt thing with flowing sleeves for Katie, she had an old prom dress and the combination of the shirt and dress made her outfit as a elf from Lord of the Rings very nice. The best part of her outfit were the ears that she cut off of a satan mask and spray painted cream.
My out fit was an old bridesmaid dress turned into Cinderella. Its the dress from Sarah's wedding. I don't know if anyone remembers or knows her but we planned her wedding in a week. Yep! a week. That was back in the spring of 05 (and the dress still fit!) and to a lot of peoples amazement they are still married. The dress is a blue color so i figured Cinderella was a nice transformation. What i was most exited about was the chance to wear the silly dress again. For some reason you don't tend to re-wear the bridesmaid dresses. I have three of them, and this is the only one I've used again

Not the greatest picture, but its the best one Ive found so far. Katie is on the far left and I'm on the far right. Also next to me Jeanine is wearing the costume i made for last year. its nice to see it got a little more use out of it. Also in the picture is Kim Fish as a butterfly and Nicole as a cat.

Then on Saturday we carved pumpkins with the Kids from God's Resort. I have been trying to plan this activity for a while. Its hard to plan things on a Saturday because everyone is at work. But we still had a great time. I bought 10 pumpkins. And the kids had a blast carving them. There are pictures that other people took and i will post them if i get a copy of them. After the pumpkin carving Katie and I took the kids to watch a Ratatouille at the cheap theater. it wasn't as fun as i thought. With the kids not being able to sit that long, having to go to the bathroom and also catching little Brenda eating popcorn of the floor. I think we did a little over load for the younger kids. I might have been a better plan to just take the older kids. The little ones were to hungry and tired. Live and learn i guess.

Sunday was also quite busy. Because one of the girls that normally picks up the kids and takes them to church was out of town i stayed back to take the kids to church. I am so thankful for the few people that are faithful with taking the kids to church Sunday morning. i need to remember to thank them for it more often. I had 5 kids with me. Also there was no kids church so two of them had to sit with me at church. I remember how hard it is to sit through church when you are a little kid. its long, boring and you get tired of sitting. I do have to say that the kids did a great job of not being to noisy or distracting.

After Church Quade had a "thank you" lunch for all the people that helped out with the College Age Fall retreat we had last weekend. It was fun to sit and talk with friends and enjoy a meal together. After the lunch at Quades I headed of to Watered Gardens for the second annual Bless Fest. Again i had a car load of kids and they had a blast playing on the games and getting some food and freebies.

To finish off my Sunday i got the amazing blessing of babysitting for my sister. Little Ela and i had a lot of fun. We talked, read books, and played together. She is so cute, i love to make her laugh so hard that she chuckles. She is such a happy baby. Her mom and dad got to go watch a movie together. It was fun giving my time and get receiving so much joy and blessings from doing it.

Last week end in October, crazy busy. But i learned a lot. I was blessed and hopefully was able to give glory to Jesus; that is what makes everything worth while.

Absolutely no Recollection...

I have virtually no recollection of the events mentioned below. I almost cried I was laughing so hard reading the story. I have a flash memory of something like this happening, but I still think it wasn't me lol. I remember thinking it was one of the kids, then thinking no its megan, then coming to the door and thinking "no it wasn't megan what am I doing", and then letting her in. I have no logic or reason when I am asleep...obviously. I am still laughing thinking about this.

So on a more logical note. God has really been running me through the wringer on things lately. Being in the word has really clarified what he has been trying to say to me, as well as seeking places where I can get an adult perspective on matters. It seems that with a willing heart, coming before the Lord has opened a well-spring of what He has been wanting to tell me. I just needed to really seek him in His place not my own. It looks like I will be in Joplin longer than I thought. I will be really honest and say that God is dealing with my heart on this matter pretty hardcore. There is such a stigma on college students staying in Joplin after school. It's like work here isn't good enough, but if you look around there are so many people who have made their lives here. I am trying to be okay with this idea. I don't in any way think that this is permanent. In fact, I am confident it is not, but for now God has called me to stay for an undetermined amount of time and asked my full committment without planning. It has pushed my faith and trust in his providance immeasurably. It has called me to lay down rights that I see others not having to lay down and desire to keep for myself. I know I cannot. Lonnie Holbrook spoke the other day at Colllege Age Retreat and said something to the effect of "if we do not commit to God fully and lay down our rights, He will not use us". This has echoed in my mind for days and though I am not sure if I am ready, I don't think I have a choice but to be. It is either obedience to a call to the unknown or direct disobedience. It isn't hard to figure out which you do. When Quade asked Lonnie how he did it, how he made the decision to just dive in, Lonnie asnwered 'I just did'. I really think that's the only answer you can have to God asking for it all. You either jump or you don't, you cannot go half way, you cannot reason it out logically, you jump in and trust that He will be there to catch you.

Locked

out!
I work at the local Christian Radio station here in Joplin. Its called KOBC. I have been working there since i got to Joplin, so its been 4 years. I started out with an afternoon shift on their spanish programing. Then i moved to the dreaded weekend shifts. and now this semester im working the evening shifts (6pm to 12am) two nights a week.
normally when i come home Katie has already gone to bed hours before. She works early in the morning and therefore goes to sleep at a decent hour. So tuesday night i come up to the door in a very very good mood (especially considering how late it was and how tired it was) only to find that the screen door is locked from the inside. we have the lock there so that we can close the screen and open the door but people still cant just walk in. This strategy was great for the nice fall days that were cool and we saved some energy by not needing the AC.
Im standing out side our door with no way of getting in. So i think to my self, "now what?" I try calling Katie's cell phone hoping that she has it with her in her room. but as i stand out side i can hear it ring, and see it light up on the couch in the living room.
With no other option i go to the back of the house (which is quite dark and scary at night) and knock on Katie's window saying "Katie wake up! you locked me out" the reply i get is "huh?" so i repeat "its me Megan, you locked me out" and she then says "oh ok"
then nothing
so i stand there for a minute debating with myself as to wether she actually woke up enough to understand or if she was just answering in her sleep. i decide to go to the front door and wait. a few minutes later Katie opens the door and says "i dont know how that happened, i didnt do it". a coment to which i answer with "then who else is inside that could have locked the screen from the inside" and she replies "i dont know but it wasnt me".
in the end i walk to my room laughing and Katie is walking away to her room in a frustrated voice saying "i dont know what your laughing about it wasnt funny!"
ahh roommates. gotta lov'em!
and Katie if you read this and dont remember it. its ok.

¿Estamos contentos?

Since I have no classes, I have been participating in the Honors Freshmen Forum class discussion board. It's a lot of fun to see the cognitive process of freshmen. They are still so fresh to the college scene and real world ideas that to pick their brains can be a very refreshing way to spend the day. One of them posted this weekend with the same subject line as this:¿Estamos contentos? She proceeded to note that there had to be a difference between the idea of being happy and being content. It reminded me a lot of this summer and how hard it was to become content when I really wasn't happy. I was so happy that the things that were going on at God's Resort were happening, but at the same time not content to be one of the people called to it. I wanted to be out; out of Joplin, out of the U.S., out of the norm. I went to Jamaica and that made me even more discontent with the growing assuredness that I was called to God's Resort. Then one day in Jamaica a friend shared some truth with me about his experience as a missionary in Mexico. He and his wife had gone through the same feelings of discontent and restlessness, and he reminded me that we are called to use the abilities and gifts God has given us, but He is the one who calls us where He needs us. Where He calls us to, we must be content in going. Because we love Him more than anything else, we are content to be where He places us. When I looked at it from that perspective suddenly everything seemed different. Coming back to Joplin, I made the choice to be content where God had me, first in Joplin, then at God's Resort. It was a struggle, but I can safely say I made it after a month or so. Being content though wasn't the same as being happy. So many things were happening and changing all at once that I can be very honest and say I wasn't very happy. I loved that so much good could come out of us being there, but was not very happy in my new lifestyle. It was uncomfortable, unknown, and unrelenting. Life was full of questions, feeling inadequate, mistake after mistake, and so many other new and difficult thigns to face that I didn't enjoy what I was so sure I should be doing anyway. This past week changed that though. This past week I felt a part of our neighborhood in a real and personal way. We were in the homes of families, talking to parents, teaching kids to dance, feeding them, and just loving them. We walked the neighborhood, went rollerblading, and shared even the boring parts of our lives with the kids. We met new people, saw success, and saw change. How could I experience all of that and not be happy? How could I be sitting here knowing how much God loves me and those He has entrusted me with and not rejoice? So I now choose to be happy.

I can't believe it's October!

This past month has flown by it seems. So much has happened from backyard concerts to birthday parties to soccer games and PTO. My room is a wreck (and must be clean by Saturday fro Great Day of Service), but I feel settled in finally. It is a completely different kind of settled in than where I have lived before, but I think I feel at home. I am finally getting into as much of a routine as I can for the neighborhood we're in, where anything can happen. I love seeing the kids and miss them when they are not around. Like Meg said, we are starting a mentoring program for the four oldest girls right now and I am really excited about it. There are just so many things that we as older girls can teach them about life and Jesus.

Great Day of Service is this Saturday until 1:00 pm. The College Age is going to be down at God's Resort working on setting up for the grand finale, a giant block party! I am so excited, last year's was fantastic and this year it can only be better! Who knew a year ago when we were down there that in one little year we would be living there? Sometimes life throws you some awesome curve balls.

A new month

First of all i cant believe that its october. september went by so fast.
Today is Ashley's Birtday. She turns 12. Last night we had a surprise get together to celebrate her birtday. Katie picked up Dominque and Tristal and i decorated some cupcakes i had baked earlier at my parents house (our oven doesnt work, and i love to bake *tear*) Needless to say she was surprised as we walked out with twelve faming cupcakes.
We forgot to get pictures, so we decided to do it over again and Katie took video, not as impressive as the firts time, but it will do (maybe Katie will find a way to uplead it for everyone *hint hint*)
Needless to say she loved it. Katie got her an amazing present on our behalf. A teen Bible. She was also able to get Ashley's name engraved on it.
Please continue to pray for the kids. They are growing up and facing new challenges.
Also we are starting mentoring with the older girls. We are still in need of a couple faithful and mature college girls to mentor.