Setttled

On Katie's last post there are random pictures of the house when we first moved in, things were in disarray and slight chaos. Now, things have settled. Its hard to believe that its only been a few months since we moved into the God's Resort Community.
As i look back, and see how it was then, and how things are now i see many advancements. Closer relationships with the kids we are working with, boundaries that work to balance our lives, open doors into the homes of the other people that live at God's Resort.

Ive been thinking a lot about plans for the summer. There seems to be infinite options as to what i could do with that chunk of time. I ask that you pray for me as i make decisions about not only summer, but this spring as well.
I feel an uprising in my heart, i feel a call to not be conformed were i am and take another leap, like the one that took Katie and myself to God's Resort. I don't feel a call to move, just a call to not get to settled and forget the many things that we are able to do in the Lord's Name, and for his Glory. A feeling like im too comfortable were i am and there are still people out in the world that live in circumstances that should never be. I am amazed at the call that Jesus gave us. Just when we think we have it figured out, and can turn it into a method, is when he tugs on our heart and call us to HIM. I am feeling that call, to return simply to HIM. My Lord.

Christmas is almost here. This last sunday we had the Christmas gathering at the community house. Its was a blessing. I am almost done with my small gifts for the kids, im exited, I have been working on them since Cincinnati.
I love this quote that Emilie G. left on facebook. I think its a pretty good description of what happened this last week:
"The most eloquent testimony to the reality of the resurrection is not an empty tomb or a well-orchestrated pageant on Easter Sunday but rather a group of people whose life together is so radically different, so completely changed from the way the world builds a community, that there can be no explanation other than that something decisive has happened in history." - Will Willimon

These are the days we'll remember all our lives...

So this has been the craziest week ever. With the amazing ice storm that hit we were without power for 2 or 3 days at God's Resort. Our apartment is actually one of the only one's that didn't have gas heat and so we went to stay at the Udell's for what we thought would be a couple days. We were there for five. Long after the power was back on we, plus 20 of our other closest friends were having the best week ever for fellowship. It was Dena's last week and so the sending off was perfect. By Friday we were heading up to Kansas City to take Dena to the airport. After a night of window shopping, great BBQ and ice skating, we said goodbye to Dena at the airport and Megan and I (the only two left from the 15 who had gone up to KC) drove home through ice and snow in separate cars. We saw a tractor trailor wreck, another wreck, and to top it off a cow strolling down the median. We made it back safely though.

Here is the fun part of this post. After returning to our home after being gone a whole week, we still needed to clean out the refrigerator. It was fairly painless, outside of throwing away so much money in spoiled food. The interesting part came as I was piling the bags into the dumpster in our alley. I looked over to the side of our house and noticed that the cinder block that held the board that blocked the broken window leading to our basement was moved. The board was gone as well. Now I knew this wasn't good because we have this lady that drives down our alley weekly and feeds the strays in our neighborhood and I was guessing she had moved the block to let cats in to keep warm. So I walked over to block the entrance again and to my surprise I noticed something shoved in the window opening. You will not believe what it was! A catering tray full of baked beans. I kid you not. I cannot begin to describe the mix of emotions that rant hrough my mind at this point. I was laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it, worried that there were no telling how many animals under our house, and honestly a little ticked that someone had the audacity to stick a giant tray of beans in our basement! So I went inside hoping that would relieve some of the stench that was in our home after we had returned and knowing that the rest was probably cat poop in our basement. Now in the process of moving towards the basement a number of noises and events led my mind to begin wondering like it is sometimes prone to do until I had mustered up enough fear of what might be in our basement that I rushed back outside and called Megan. She was driving around the corner when I called so I recounted the story and we called the boys. In her defense Megan really could not believe anything but a cat was in our basement, but believe me if you had been there you would have been wondering too. So what do we do? We call boys to come look in our basement for us. Of course no one answered so I grabbed a broom and readied by the door as Megan swung it open. Now you know those scenes in the movies where they expect a giant monster and a tiny mouse comes scurrying out, this was one of those moments. We swing open the door, ready the broom, and there staring back at us with big black eyes is a tiny cat, not kitten, but a very small cat who looks at us and meows before slinking off under the house. At this point I get (deservingly) the most hilarious look from Megan who cannot believe what just happened and will probably never let me live it down. This story of course has now spread throughout our entire friend group and my name is now tarnished forever. :) I may at this rate have no shred of diginity left by the end of our time at God's Resort.

Christmas at God's Resort

I took some kids to Petland to play with puppies and we had a blast!

Karen finally got to ride in her limo to the school pizza party!

After decorating the house with lights, the Christmas parade came just up the street from us so of course we had to go catch candy!

We took the kids to burger king and the Christmas play at MSSU. They got to meet the cast afterwards and get autographs.

Jarred awake from peaceful slumber...

Last night I was very rudely kept up by the passing train a block away from our home, but as I waited for the rumbling to pass it was suddenly joined by a cacophony of sirens. Now this is not an abnormal noise to hear downtown, but these sirens grew strangely louder until they stopped in what seemed to be a location right outside our home. I jumped out of bed to go see if this was the case and sure enough the windows were illuminated by the twirling of red lights. Megan had just gotten home and the two of us walked down the street and around the corner to discover 3 police cars, 2 fire trucks, an ambulance and a fire suburban. Workers were everywhere around the smallest duplex in our little community, particularly firemen with axes. The whole neighborhood was suddenly alive, and it was 11:30 at night. A lady walked past and said it was leaves next to the house that had caught fire. It seemed like the situation was under control and as far as we could tell no real serious damage had occurred. We really have no idea the real story, but like I said it looked relatively insignificant. It was however another eventful experience in the neighborhood though.

On another note, God's Resort is opening a laundry room for residents which is just a really fantastic plan. I am completely psyched because I know how hard it is for the residents to get to a laundry mat and back and be able to afford the high cost of washing and drying clothes. This will be a great burden lifted for the families especially. Also my mentee Dominique is going to be moving back to God's Resort with her family, which is a complete blessing as well! I cannot wait to have them back. Unfortunately we may be losing a family at the same time, but we continue to pray that they will not leave.

Authentic Christianity

I think this may have been the theme of my time at the National Missionary Convention this past week. Like Megan said, we drove up to Cincinnati with a lot of hope for an enlightening experience and came back honestly with a lot more. The trip went well, no major mishaps, an amazing group of young adults who bonded and shared in a very real and inviting nature, and a united fire to learn as much as we could from the convention and from each other. The convention was amazing. I went two years ago and could not have said the same thing. This time around I had a purpose though, a focused mind looking for where God was working and what role he was establishing for me in it all. I didn't come with a desire for the big picture, just the next step and I rejoiced when He gave me not only the next step, but a glimpse of the big picture as well.

We are doing well. Despite the confusion, mayhem, and often humiliating feeling of weakness, Megan and I are where we are supposed to be doing what God has called us to do. Can we do more? Did we learn how better to serve our neighbors? Yes! But we also learned that we are doing well. We have had a hard time understanding what exactly our role is in the neighborhood. With our financial constraints, lack of experience, and generally trial and error learning method, it has been hard to figure out what we can actually do in our neighborhood to really change anything. And that is what we want isn't it? Change? I think it is, but not necessarily the way we thought we needed to see it. It is easy to see the physical oppression of our neighborhood. Broken down housing full of roaches, leaky pipes, and bad heating systems, kids with little to eat, ratty clothing, and perpetually messy hygiene, and a community of people doing everything they can to survive, but at the same time not relying on each other at all to get there. We see the physical decay of our neighborhood, but what we also see is the spiritual side. Families are torn apart because they strive so desperately to meet material needs of survival that they never take time to love each other. Adults have been beaten down by the system so many times that they do not know how to get up. Addictions to everything from alcohol to drugs to sex to even television distract them from life and from God. God is crying out to our neighborhood and there is so much crammed into the peoples' lives that they cannot hear His voice. The urban neighborhood is so often times a concise picture of what God did not want for His people. This is why it is so important that people be there. Jesus would be here I am sure of it. So how do we change a neighborhood the way Jesus would have? He would not have come in blazing in glory shouting "I am here to save you all". He didn't then, He wouldn't now. One of the things we learned over and over again from the urban missionaries in Cincinnati is that those living in the inner city are looking for authentic people. They can see right through our cheery outreach programs that shuttle people through like a drive thru restaurant. Will they take the help? Of course, they are after all trying to survive and any help no matter how disingenuous is still help. So often we want to help, but not when it gets messy, not when it means actually touching people, or going into their homes. Therefore, what often needs to happen is slowing down and looking at the real needs. Anyone can feed the poor, clothe them, and shelter them; Christians, Muslims, Mormons, or Atheists. But only Christians, followers of Christ, can take what they have learned of Christ from the Word and their growth in Him and teach that to their neighbors. Does this mean we do not feed, clothe and shelter the poor? No, not at all because that is what Christ would have done, but it is important to remember what it is we as followers of Christ have to offer that others do not. We know how to love like Christ. We know how to take care of people like Christ. We can love in a genuine, unfailing manner that only Christ has shown us. We can care for people by touching them, working alongside them, suffering with them in only the way Christ was able to do. Will we stumble and screw up royally? Of course because we are not Christ, but if our goal as an individual should be to be like Christ, then shouldn't our goal in our ministry be to serve like Christ would? This means being where the people He wants to help are. Not everyone is called to live in the inner city, but everyone is called to serve where God is trying to move. I know without a doubt that God wants to redeem His people in the city and all He needs are His followers to be there. We as His followers are learning and growing daily in Him and how cool would it be for us to live along side those who do not know Christ and be real in our struggles and real in our growth? I think this would be the best opportunity to see real change happen in the world. When we are all gathered together in our suburban communities, college dorms, or ritzy apartment complexes our world becomes what is around us and we begin to reflect the cares of that world. The thing I love most about being in our neighborhood is you cannot escape the reality of how so many people are living and suffering. It is not just that street you speed up on to cut across town, it is my home and when my welfare becomes tied to its welfare not only does the little but growing bit of Christ in me come out, but all of the talents He has equipped me with to not only share His love, but take care of the physical needs as well.

These neighborhoods need change, but I really believe that will come in time once the focus shifts from us trying to help them, to us living alongside them, whether you physically live in a neighborhood or not. We must be real people to our neighbors. This first comes in being real with Christ and real with the body. We all have issues, problems, and worries; let us bear those together in Christ and in front of the world. I want people to see Christians for the real people they are with all their flaws, but also with the amazing hope we all have in an ever-loving God who showed the ultimate act of grace through His Son, Jesus, on the cross. That is what I believe authentic Christianity encompasses and I believe from my own personal testimony that this is the best way to see the world change for Christ.

Back from the Convetion

The national missionary convention was this weekend. Katie and I got the oportunity to go. At first neither of us had plans to go, but just in the last three weeks we made arrangements to go. We left wednesday night and drove thru, and arrived at 7am in Cincinnati.
The convention was refreshing. There were a lot of workshops on InnerCity work and Urban work. It was encouraging to meet other people that are working in the same area of ministry that we are, people that have moved into lower income neighborhoods and been a light in those places. But the most encouraging thing of all is the fact that they have not only been doing it long term, they have been successfull in developing boundries, strategies, connections and credibility.
One of our favorite speakers this weekend was Bart Campolo he was encouraging and spoke with the honesty that i sometimes feel i could shout to those who see what is going on at God's Resort but arent doing anything.
I am sure that Katie will have a lot more to say on the subject. We will be waiting for her post soon.

Another Unexpected Experience

Last night marked the beginning of a new adventure. My closet has been leaking a lot lately and I have decided that probably isn't a good thing and was planning to call Rob about it, but Megan and I both got a terrible head cold and have been rather out of commission the last couple of days.

I came home last night ready to just collapse into bed, but as I climbed the steps to our front porch I noticed it was unusually dirty. My line of sight moved from the porch to the window air unit to the ceiling of the front porch. There in our ceiling was a hole. How the hole had appeared there I have no idea, but there it was. A board had broken out of the ceiling, just snapped it appeared, while another hung from the ceiling. Through the remaining boards I could see fur poking through. You can imagine the many scenarios that were going through my head as to how this scene had occurred. I continued staring up into the space and quickly decided to run upstairs to get our neighbor Joe to come take a look. I asked Joe if he had heard any loud noises or crashes and he replied he had not, but that our other neighbor upstairs had come home quite intoxicated. We walked back downstairs and proceeded to contemplate what this furry subject in our ceiling could be. After retrieving a flashlight from the Luna's, we began to poke and prod our way around (or maybe that was just Joe) to see what we could discover about the ceiling. To our great relief we discovered our fury subject was not indeed a cat (alive or dead), but rather a winter coat with a ratty fur collard. I must say that my relief at this realization may have been equal to the day that I received an extension on my senior thesis. I had no idea what I was going to do if indeed the mysterious subject in our ceiling had turned out to be alive or worse dead. As we peered into the cracks with the new relief of knowing we were staring at a coat, the coat began to move. I kid you not we stared wide eyed and gawking as someone or something moved around on top of the coat and then retreated out of the ceiling again. If not for our discovery that the object was a coat, I may have died right then and there from shock, but luckily we just stifled our laughter and began to ponder the reasons behind this "hole" mess.

Rob is supposed to be finding someone to come check it out. While on teh phone he informed me that our other upstairs neighbor lets his cats live in there and in one instance Antonio and Abe went crawling through trying to retrieve the cat only to cave in part of the Luna's bedroom roof! We may never know the full story behind our ceiling experience, but it was quite the night.

"Love of neighbor begins with the willingness to be inconvenienced. It means saying yes to God's right to direct people to us based on his objectives and their needs rather than our comfort or convenience."

I read this quote today as I was going through a book Mrs. Udell gave me on Randy White's ministry to inner-city Fresno. It's obviously a bigger city, but the same set-up. His family moved to the lowest income area of Fresno and a new life began. I read this quote and my stomach flipped. This isn't the first time I have been hit with this truth, but rather another reminder that will continue to keep me grounded. It is so hard to find a balance between finding rest and allowing yourself to be inconvenienced and uncomfortable. There is never a reprieve. If people aren't literally knocking at the door, you know you should be out visiting those you haven't seen recently. People always encourage self-sacrificing service while at the same time demanding an understanding of when to say no. I don't know that balance. I have fought and prayed and studied and still cannot find the mental balance to know when it is not being disobedient to say "I'm sorry but I cannot help you right now". This is usually when people say to delegate but the mere act of delegating the responsibility usually takes so much time to find someone willing to be inconvenienced that you either give up and do it yourself or have run out of rest time by the time you do find someone else and must move on to the next thing of the day.

I love the noise of our neighborhood. When it is quiet, it is almost eerie. You can hear everything going on in every home practically from different points in our home. It's an incredible prayer guide, but more than that it is an intense revelation of the beauty that is Christ. How He works in and through our neighborhood comes out in the soundtrack of the streets and homes and lives that compose God's Resort. The moments He gives of quiet rest though are cherished. The moments where you come home and just need a break to regroup and clear your mind to focus on God and He grants those moments.

I love our neighborhood. I love the inconvenience of it all; how it breaks through and shatters the structured, minute by minute plans of everyday americans. You cannot live too organized, too rigid, or it will wear you down quicker than anything known to man I believe. You have to leave your life wide open to be filled by His appointments, no matter how seemingly insignificant. Whether it be tying a shoe, fixing a light, or talking about serious issues, all are important in His eyes. All of these things are vital to His kingdom work. Like the Samaritan that stopped to help, we must be willing to stop. We must be willing to live in a way that stopping is allowed, encouraged, and looked forward to. We have, even in our service oriented Christian lives, bought into the need for security amid structure. Stepping outside of that security requires a step of faith that really reveals how much we are willing to trust God with. What I am beginning to realize though is it is not necessarily one big step, but rather thousands of tiny steps away from what society deems the way to live your life, and how God has called us to live our lives.

The weekend.

This weekend was quite busy for me. Not to mention the fact that i was also coming off of a very busy week. School has caught up with me and as fun as last weekend was at the retreat, it wasnt as restfull as i had desired it to be.

Friday was the international scream 2. Last year it was a lot of fun and we made some money. This year it was fun, but because the international club has grown so much and the members didn't have to pay, i don't think we actually made any money. But i had fun, and i know a lot of other people did as well. Friday morning I woke up and worked on Katie's costume and also on mine. I made a shirt thing with flowing sleeves for Katie, she had an old prom dress and the combination of the shirt and dress made her outfit as a elf from Lord of the Rings very nice. The best part of her outfit were the ears that she cut off of a satan mask and spray painted cream.
My out fit was an old bridesmaid dress turned into Cinderella. Its the dress from Sarah's wedding. I don't know if anyone remembers or knows her but we planned her wedding in a week. Yep! a week. That was back in the spring of 05 (and the dress still fit!) and to a lot of peoples amazement they are still married. The dress is a blue color so i figured Cinderella was a nice transformation. What i was most exited about was the chance to wear the silly dress again. For some reason you don't tend to re-wear the bridesmaid dresses. I have three of them, and this is the only one I've used again

Not the greatest picture, but its the best one Ive found so far. Katie is on the far left and I'm on the far right. Also next to me Jeanine is wearing the costume i made for last year. its nice to see it got a little more use out of it. Also in the picture is Kim Fish as a butterfly and Nicole as a cat.

Then on Saturday we carved pumpkins with the Kids from God's Resort. I have been trying to plan this activity for a while. Its hard to plan things on a Saturday because everyone is at work. But we still had a great time. I bought 10 pumpkins. And the kids had a blast carving them. There are pictures that other people took and i will post them if i get a copy of them. After the pumpkin carving Katie and I took the kids to watch a Ratatouille at the cheap theater. it wasn't as fun as i thought. With the kids not being able to sit that long, having to go to the bathroom and also catching little Brenda eating popcorn of the floor. I think we did a little over load for the younger kids. I might have been a better plan to just take the older kids. The little ones were to hungry and tired. Live and learn i guess.

Sunday was also quite busy. Because one of the girls that normally picks up the kids and takes them to church was out of town i stayed back to take the kids to church. I am so thankful for the few people that are faithful with taking the kids to church Sunday morning. i need to remember to thank them for it more often. I had 5 kids with me. Also there was no kids church so two of them had to sit with me at church. I remember how hard it is to sit through church when you are a little kid. its long, boring and you get tired of sitting. I do have to say that the kids did a great job of not being to noisy or distracting.

After Church Quade had a "thank you" lunch for all the people that helped out with the College Age Fall retreat we had last weekend. It was fun to sit and talk with friends and enjoy a meal together. After the lunch at Quades I headed of to Watered Gardens for the second annual Bless Fest. Again i had a car load of kids and they had a blast playing on the games and getting some food and freebies.

To finish off my Sunday i got the amazing blessing of babysitting for my sister. Little Ela and i had a lot of fun. We talked, read books, and played together. She is so cute, i love to make her laugh so hard that she chuckles. She is such a happy baby. Her mom and dad got to go watch a movie together. It was fun giving my time and get receiving so much joy and blessings from doing it.

Last week end in October, crazy busy. But i learned a lot. I was blessed and hopefully was able to give glory to Jesus; that is what makes everything worth while.

Absolutely no Recollection...

I have virtually no recollection of the events mentioned below. I almost cried I was laughing so hard reading the story. I have a flash memory of something like this happening, but I still think it wasn't me lol. I remember thinking it was one of the kids, then thinking no its megan, then coming to the door and thinking "no it wasn't megan what am I doing", and then letting her in. I have no logic or reason when I am asleep...obviously. I am still laughing thinking about this.

So on a more logical note. God has really been running me through the wringer on things lately. Being in the word has really clarified what he has been trying to say to me, as well as seeking places where I can get an adult perspective on matters. It seems that with a willing heart, coming before the Lord has opened a well-spring of what He has been wanting to tell me. I just needed to really seek him in His place not my own. It looks like I will be in Joplin longer than I thought. I will be really honest and say that God is dealing with my heart on this matter pretty hardcore. There is such a stigma on college students staying in Joplin after school. It's like work here isn't good enough, but if you look around there are so many people who have made their lives here. I am trying to be okay with this idea. I don't in any way think that this is permanent. In fact, I am confident it is not, but for now God has called me to stay for an undetermined amount of time and asked my full committment without planning. It has pushed my faith and trust in his providance immeasurably. It has called me to lay down rights that I see others not having to lay down and desire to keep for myself. I know I cannot. Lonnie Holbrook spoke the other day at Colllege Age Retreat and said something to the effect of "if we do not commit to God fully and lay down our rights, He will not use us". This has echoed in my mind for days and though I am not sure if I am ready, I don't think I have a choice but to be. It is either obedience to a call to the unknown or direct disobedience. It isn't hard to figure out which you do. When Quade asked Lonnie how he did it, how he made the decision to just dive in, Lonnie asnwered 'I just did'. I really think that's the only answer you can have to God asking for it all. You either jump or you don't, you cannot go half way, you cannot reason it out logically, you jump in and trust that He will be there to catch you.

Locked

out!
I work at the local Christian Radio station here in Joplin. Its called KOBC. I have been working there since i got to Joplin, so its been 4 years. I started out with an afternoon shift on their spanish programing. Then i moved to the dreaded weekend shifts. and now this semester im working the evening shifts (6pm to 12am) two nights a week.
normally when i come home Katie has already gone to bed hours before. She works early in the morning and therefore goes to sleep at a decent hour. So tuesday night i come up to the door in a very very good mood (especially considering how late it was and how tired it was) only to find that the screen door is locked from the inside. we have the lock there so that we can close the screen and open the door but people still cant just walk in. This strategy was great for the nice fall days that were cool and we saved some energy by not needing the AC.
Im standing out side our door with no way of getting in. So i think to my self, "now what?" I try calling Katie's cell phone hoping that she has it with her in her room. but as i stand out side i can hear it ring, and see it light up on the couch in the living room.
With no other option i go to the back of the house (which is quite dark and scary at night) and knock on Katie's window saying "Katie wake up! you locked me out" the reply i get is "huh?" so i repeat "its me Megan, you locked me out" and she then says "oh ok"
then nothing
so i stand there for a minute debating with myself as to wether she actually woke up enough to understand or if she was just answering in her sleep. i decide to go to the front door and wait. a few minutes later Katie opens the door and says "i dont know how that happened, i didnt do it". a coment to which i answer with "then who else is inside that could have locked the screen from the inside" and she replies "i dont know but it wasnt me".
in the end i walk to my room laughing and Katie is walking away to her room in a frustrated voice saying "i dont know what your laughing about it wasnt funny!"
ahh roommates. gotta lov'em!
and Katie if you read this and dont remember it. its ok.

¿Estamos contentos?

Since I have no classes, I have been participating in the Honors Freshmen Forum class discussion board. It's a lot of fun to see the cognitive process of freshmen. They are still so fresh to the college scene and real world ideas that to pick their brains can be a very refreshing way to spend the day. One of them posted this weekend with the same subject line as this:¿Estamos contentos? She proceeded to note that there had to be a difference between the idea of being happy and being content. It reminded me a lot of this summer and how hard it was to become content when I really wasn't happy. I was so happy that the things that were going on at God's Resort were happening, but at the same time not content to be one of the people called to it. I wanted to be out; out of Joplin, out of the U.S., out of the norm. I went to Jamaica and that made me even more discontent with the growing assuredness that I was called to God's Resort. Then one day in Jamaica a friend shared some truth with me about his experience as a missionary in Mexico. He and his wife had gone through the same feelings of discontent and restlessness, and he reminded me that we are called to use the abilities and gifts God has given us, but He is the one who calls us where He needs us. Where He calls us to, we must be content in going. Because we love Him more than anything else, we are content to be where He places us. When I looked at it from that perspective suddenly everything seemed different. Coming back to Joplin, I made the choice to be content where God had me, first in Joplin, then at God's Resort. It was a struggle, but I can safely say I made it after a month or so. Being content though wasn't the same as being happy. So many things were happening and changing all at once that I can be very honest and say I wasn't very happy. I loved that so much good could come out of us being there, but was not very happy in my new lifestyle. It was uncomfortable, unknown, and unrelenting. Life was full of questions, feeling inadequate, mistake after mistake, and so many other new and difficult thigns to face that I didn't enjoy what I was so sure I should be doing anyway. This past week changed that though. This past week I felt a part of our neighborhood in a real and personal way. We were in the homes of families, talking to parents, teaching kids to dance, feeding them, and just loving them. We walked the neighborhood, went rollerblading, and shared even the boring parts of our lives with the kids. We met new people, saw success, and saw change. How could I experience all of that and not be happy? How could I be sitting here knowing how much God loves me and those He has entrusted me with and not rejoice? So I now choose to be happy.

I can't believe it's October!

This past month has flown by it seems. So much has happened from backyard concerts to birthday parties to soccer games and PTO. My room is a wreck (and must be clean by Saturday fro Great Day of Service), but I feel settled in finally. It is a completely different kind of settled in than where I have lived before, but I think I feel at home. I am finally getting into as much of a routine as I can for the neighborhood we're in, where anything can happen. I love seeing the kids and miss them when they are not around. Like Meg said, we are starting a mentoring program for the four oldest girls right now and I am really excited about it. There are just so many things that we as older girls can teach them about life and Jesus.

Great Day of Service is this Saturday until 1:00 pm. The College Age is going to be down at God's Resort working on setting up for the grand finale, a giant block party! I am so excited, last year's was fantastic and this year it can only be better! Who knew a year ago when we were down there that in one little year we would be living there? Sometimes life throws you some awesome curve balls.

A new month

First of all i cant believe that its october. september went by so fast.
Today is Ashley's Birtday. She turns 12. Last night we had a surprise get together to celebrate her birtday. Katie picked up Dominque and Tristal and i decorated some cupcakes i had baked earlier at my parents house (our oven doesnt work, and i love to bake *tear*) Needless to say she was surprised as we walked out with twelve faming cupcakes.
We forgot to get pictures, so we decided to do it over again and Katie took video, not as impressive as the firts time, but it will do (maybe Katie will find a way to uplead it for everyone *hint hint*)
Needless to say she loved it. Katie got her an amazing present on our behalf. A teen Bible. She was also able to get Ashley's name engraved on it.
Please continue to pray for the kids. They are growing up and facing new challenges.
Also we are starting mentoring with the older girls. We are still in need of a couple faithful and mature college girls to mentor.

An Appreciation for Silence

I used to hate the silence. My idea of relaxing never involved being away from noise. I love big cities, big groups, loud music, and kids. None of these things lend themselves to quiet. In the last week though I have reached sound overload. I have no desire to be around people in general, no desire to talk, I am done. This isn't good, I know, and it too can be overcome, but I'm gonna try not rushing it. I need the silence. I need to have a break from constantly talking, listening, and analyzing. I want to hear God speak. Or maybe even just rest in His presence. That's all.

Update from 14th and Pearl

So on an objective side, I figured I should write just some of the happenings and going ons down in the neighborhood.

Next Sunday evening is a big concert thrown by Calvary Baptist in our backyard! Great Day of Service for College Heights is going to end with a Block Party on our street as well in October.

We have started going to the home group at the Blue House and that has been really good so far. A lot of adults from the neighborhood come so we get to meet them. The church bought the Blue House and are now fixing the other half to make it all one big community house! One of the Sunday schools adopted some apartments and will be remodeling them. Unfortunately the remodeling of the blue house begins at aroudn 6:30 am every morning and therefore sleep is difficult in my part of the house.

The whole neighborhood seems to be on high stress mode lately. Two of the kids are verging on being out of control and I here them being reprimanded pretty much every morning now. There is something about the location of my room where I can hear almost every house on our corner if people are yelling. One of the kids is going through a rough time right now and really needs intense prayer. I was full of a lot more energy in the last week, but with some of the stuff going on, especially with the one girl, Satan has just sucked me dry emotionally and physically. This kind of goes back to Megan talking about trying to carry everyone's burdens instead of laying them at the cross, but I don't even realize I am doing it until I am just ready to collapse.

We are getting a new stove! Someone came by the other day, not even knowing ours didn't work and offered it! It's such a huge blessing and so unexpected. I honestly feel like God saw how much we wanted one, but we knew it wasn't necessary and He blessed us anyway. That's pretty cool.

I took three of the girls for a drive and we got to pet some horses which was really cool as well. They had never been around horses before and absolutely loved it.

Our hot water is back on, after a four day absence. Still no word on a heating system in our house yet, but other than that things are going pretty well.

Transparency Part II

Something has been off in my relationship with Christ and I think I finally figured out what it is. This summer was an amazing time of growth for me and I came out of it a different person, but the last couple of weeks something has had me completely scattered. Randy Gariss always talks about how we cannot be those people who come on Sundays to get our fix and live off church for the rest of the week with no real continuing time with God. I hadn't thought that was me because, well first of all I am at the church all the time, but also because I have been really fighting for time and relationship with Christ. I was going through a study today and something jumped out at me from the text, "to live where I can listen is all He calls me too." I realized suddenly that I am seeking and seeking, but never slowing down enough to wait for a response. The text went further to say that we must be "weak enough to listen, but strong enough to wait."

I do not think this means I need to move from God's Resort, but it did make me realize that the way I spend my time does not allow time to actually commune with God and allow Him a chance to speak. It's no wonder I keep asking and getting no response. He is fighting and fighting to get through all I have put before Him. So, I'm going to try this week being a better listener. I think this may be part of the reason Meg and I have been so exhausted. We desperately are crying out for His strength and His help, but we won't stop long enough to really let Him be that for us.

transparent

These last few weeks Katie and I have been feeling exhausted. The funny thing is that at the same time I feel like we aren't doing anything. I know we are doing stuff, we are working, I'm going to school, doing stuff with the college age, and stuff with the kids, not to mention hanging out with friends and family.
So at prayer meeting (Thursdays at the church) i was thinking about why we were so tired. And it hit me, we have been living at God's resort for over a month now, and the spiritual battles that go on around us are taking a tole on our bodies.
Jay said something the other day that really hit home for me. It was something along the ways of if we try and carry the burdens of everyone we come in contact with down at God's Resort we will always be totally exhausted, because we don't have the strength to, so what we need to do is carry the burdens to Christ, take them to Him and he will carry them. o how true these words are. as it says in Matt 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"
Let us rest in Him.

A Weekend Away

I went to Dallas this weekend and saw a Goo Goo Dolls/Lifehouse concert. The concert was amazing, being in a city even more amazing, but what struck me most was how awkward it all felt in the end. We were staying in one of the nicer neighborhoods in Dallas right next to SMU and everything was so clean and just beautiful. Part of me had so much fun being there, and the other half couldn't wait to get out and get home. I just finished These Strange Ashes by Elisabeth Elliot and a quote I was reading on the way to Dallas fit so perfectly my thoughts the whole trip; it described the fight to establish standards in your living condition, to maintain some type of cleanliness, and yet how no matter what it seemed your standards were too poor for one world and too good for the other. How it feels like you are living between two worlds, unable to become a resident in either world, and feeling therefore never at home. I think sometimes I would rather be in another country trying to be a missionary. In no way do I think we have it harder, but we do face this really weird battle constantly that the world we are trying to fit into, but don't really, the world we are trying to reach, can be escaped so easily. All we have to do is get in our car and drive 10 minutes and we can be free of the messiness that is where we live. The chaos of hygiene, emotions, values, and safety can be pushed aside and replaced by a coffee from Starbucks. It makes immersion impossible, and finding a balance very difficult.

On a different note. The kids need prayer. They are in school with little familial support or understanding of the importance of education. They lie, constantly and without any reason. They aren't in trouble and yet still cannot be honest in their stories. They rat on each other all the time, even if its not true. There is this sense of survival that preceeds their relationships and if getting one kid in trouble for something he didn't do makes you move up in favor then its worth it. Therefore it's almost like you can never reward good behavior because it is so abused. Or maybe there is a way and we just don't know it yet. Either way, they really need the prayer. The idea of seeing these kids grow up to walk with Christ is the most beautiful picture I can cling to at this point. I know they have it in them. Specifically if you could pray for one family in which a lot of yelling takes place. I can only imagine the impact this has had on the kids in the household. I can hear it almost every morning out my window and it scares me so I cannot bear to think how the kids handle it. Please remember them as much as possible.

The Snowball Syndrome

You know those old cartoons we watched as kids and how there was always that one episode where one of the characters goes sliding down a snow covered mountain and ends up a giant snowball? Life is so easily like that sometimes.

Sunday I was informed that Youth group was starting up at College Heights. I thought "hey that's cool the older kids will love that!". Then I was informed in front of the kids that all of them could attend. Suddenly I went from 5 kids to 13 that wanted to be at youth group every Wednesday. Still a very great idea, but not as easily managed as I thought it would be. Now I would have to find a van to transport them all in, someone to help corral them at the church, and most importantly get enough sleep Tuesday night to make it all the way through work from 8-5 and 13 kids till 9. Work was crazy this week and instead of letting Jay know what was up I just totally forgot about Wednesday until Wednesday hit, full on. Tuesday had been quite possibly the hardest day at work to date in four years in this office and so sleep was slight for that evening. I managed to get a van, but no help. Once again, probably could have been remedied, but after a while of people giving you the run around on being able to help or not you just stop wanting to call. That doesn't defeat the fact that I should have though. Because me not calling meant I ended up with 13 kids and a very tired me. I survived, but it was rough. They yelled the whole way there various forms of "he's touching me", "she looked at me", and "he started it" and then on the way back had to explain to three 7-8 year olds that flirting, kissing, or any other form of relational behavior between the three of them would not be tolerated. I was overwhelmed. I didn't even see it coming is the worst part. While I was there, people would ask if I was able to do this every week, help with some new idea for God's Resort, or some other completely unrelated activity. I can't and I won't I have decided.
I went to Randy's leadership class last night and he talked about three modes of leadership. I am tired of the Disneyland/funnel mode where all I am is personable all day and exhausted form activities at the end of it. I want to be relational, personal, and awake enough to be compassionate. That's why Megan and I moved down to God's Resort. Not to coordinate more activities, but to open the avenue to be more intentional in our relationships with the children and their families. We want to lead by example and by being around for the messy stuff, not constantly out running events. We want to live life with these families. So this means saying "no" to a lot of things people want us to say "yes" to. I hear that people say "no" all the time, and yet I still get a look of shock whenever I do. It's like the whole world might come crashing down on their heads, but honestly we live in the buckle of the bible belt here, if we can't find someone else to help we have more to be concerned about then the planning of another event.

Panic over nothing.

A friend asked me recently how Katie and I were doing, and I told her that we were fine. She didn't believe me, and pressed the topic a little more. I told her that things are coming together, that bigger projects have gotten done, that some smaller projects are still in progress, and that we are getting some what used to living with roaches. But the one thing that worried me, and that in my mind would/could break me, was our first electric bill. Living in the apartments, our electric bill was very reasonable, but in our new house because of the size, height of the ceiling, and the fact that we run two window units constantly I didn't think our electric bill would be even close to what it was before.
Our first electric bill came yesterday, and Katie came home from work and opened it, she gave me a call. The amount she told me was almost twice as much as what we had last payed at the apartment, and it was only for like 20 days, not even the whole month. I preceded to worry and stress about how we were going to come up with the money. Once I got home from work, the first thing I did was go to the fridge and look at the bill. After stressing out about it for at least 4 hours, I really didn't want to even look at it. So as I looked it over it didn't make sense, the amount we were being charged for usage was not the same among as what we owed on the total. After looking at the bill for several minutes I was finally able to figure out that it was not just the amount for the 20 or so days we had lived at 14Th street, but also our previous bill, (which we had just payed that morning). So in reality we will only end up paying approximately $30 more than what we payed at the apartment. Now that is an amount we can deal with.
Lesson learned: don't stress over stuff you have no control over, and things aren't always as bad as they seem.

Realizing Reality

Quade led me to the realization the other day that Meg and I are trying to understand the role of or become missionaries, adults, and mothers all at once. I feel like I am the worst of all three.

As far as being a missionary goes, nothing could have prepared me for the reality of culture shock. You can read books, talk to past workers, and even visit the area and people, but until you live right in the middle of said culture I have realized you cannot see the reality of it. Even now, living at God's Resort there is so much being thrown at us that it is almost impossible to process it all. Four years of studying the world, poverty, and culture could not prepare me for the reality of poverty right here in our backyard. What I read about poverty in Africa, Asia, or Latin America seems such a different world than the poverty Meg and I see out our windows. For now, much of the developing world is still facing absolute poverty. Basic essential needs are not being met due to deprivation. As the developing world sees the luxury and "essentials" of the developed world though, they shift into the idea of relative deprivation and suddenly basic necessities such as food, water, and shelter are no longer the primary focus for needs and transportation, entertainment, and commercial items become higher needs than those needed for basic survival. The idea that these commercial necessities are necessary comes from the social perception given by the developed world and often times societies seem to try and make the leap from absolute poverty to developed world luxury without filling in the necessary gaps to provide clean water, safe shelter, and nutritious food.
The longer we are at God's Resort the more certain I am that people cannot live in absolute poverty in the United States. The government has set up a system of relativity in measuring poverty, there is a continual onslaught of mass media telling people what material things are necessary for a happy life, they majority of which have no essential value in survival and have been made necessary only by social imprinting. The poor need only look one block over often times to see what they are lacking. Therefore the constant comparison of what one family has to what another does not creates an environment that breeds relative deprivation. I think the problem may be that those in generational poverty (the case for most of the families in our neighborhood) have never learned how to take care of basic necessities nor, I would dare say, have they learned to value those basic necessities. Without understanding the value of actual basic necessities, one can see where it would be very easy for a parent, or especially a child, to overlook nutritional food or hygiene in pursuit of fashionable clothing, entertainment, or popular junk food.

I remember going to school in the mornings back home and driving by houses that looked like they could fall in, but they had a satellite on the roof and new car parked outside in the driveway. I couldn’t understand how those things could take priority over safe housing, and honestly still cannot. It is one of the many things I am trying to process while living down at God’s Resort. I feel like maybe the answer lies in how society views status, but I may be wrong. So often it is how much you know about pop culture and what you present to the world in your dress and at your work that defines your status and quite possibly “worth” as a member of society. Therefore maybe satellite TV becomes the connection to pop culture and new cars and stylish clothing the mask to present a middle class status, when the internal workings of a person’s life are in shambles. I have seen it work. In all reality I think we have all made it work. Pretending to be something we are not, trying to jump classes. The middle class is ruled by these comforts, so why wouldn’t it make sense that the lower class would identify middle class status by these comforts, rather than the ability to provide security and nutrition. I have no answers. The only thing I have come to realize is that Christ led me by His example and therefore I will lead those around me by that example that He gave to me. I don’t have the first clue how to stop generational poverty, but I do know that God has called us to be obedient and available to his will. So that’s what Megan and I are trying to do, show up, listen, and see what happens.

The other tenant

So I am the other tenant of 312 W. 14th St. It has indeed been a long journey gettting to God's Resort. One that for me started over six months ago when I first wanted to move here. The timing just wasn't right at that point. No one wanted to live there, the neighborhood was worse then it is now, and the church was still getting things organized. After eight months a lot of that has changed.

I came back from Jamaica ready to be content with where God had me, in Joplin, at the Royal Orleans, working. It had taken forever it seemed to get to that point of contentment and Jamaica had given it to me. Then God called Megan to move to God's Resort and finally I had my partner to finish his call in my life. So we did it. I had come up with every possible obstacle we might face in the eight months preceding this so I was not quite so assured as Megan. It wasn't logical, it wasn't conveniant, and it was exactly the kind of thing God does to bring glory to His kingdom. His timing I have decided is never our timing, sometimes we miss it by minutes, sometimes by months, some wait years, but it always comes if it is truly a desire given by God and we must be patient and faithful until he has set the way.
So we moved! The house was less then clean, but we cleaned it. We had no refrigerator, so we ate a lot of Taco Bell and were blessed by many loving friends. We had no air conditioning, so we stayed with many other loving friends for the first almost two weeks. The house is coming together though. Day by day it becomes home. Having the kids there is such a joy, even in the tough moments you just can't help but love them and be so joyful to have the opportunity to spend so much time investing into them. We are already seeing changes in them which is incredible!

Right now we are setting up boundaries and they are testing them. It is almost like animals when they get new cages and start testing for secret ways in and out or the weakest link. These kids have tried everything. They knock at all hours of the day and night, windows, doors, walls. They yell when knocking doesn't work and all the while you must be patient and kind and explain what correct etiquette might be for that situation. Curfew is 10:00, which to me seems late, but for these kids is early. They haven't quite figured out what curfew is yet I think, if the lights in the house are on they take it as an invite to knock. Neither Megan nor I are getting the greatest amount of rest, but we know its worth it.

Pictures of our new refrigerator

So as Meg said we got our new refrigerator, but in order to get it into the house we had to take the doors off. It was quite the adventure!

we got a refrigirator

So when we decided to move in, our landlord told us that he would forfeit the deposit so that we could use that money to buy a refrigerator for the house. he said that he stopped providing refrigerators because the tenants didn't care for them and they had to throw them out when the tenants moved.
so this whole time Katie and I have been with out a fridge. we didn't really have the money to buy one either. Some people from the church gave us enough to buy one, so Katie started looking and didn't really find anything with in our budget. I was shopping for a side table for Katie's room because i took hers and put it in the living room, and there is was, in a furniture store. with in our budged and we would even have some money left over.
And today it came home, it was quite an ordeal getting in through doorways and stuff, but thanks to our great friends and brothers we were able to get it in. Praise the Lord.
Thanks for your continued prayers.

frustrations and encouragement...

there are many frustrations that come with moving. living in boxes for a while, cleaning, and just turning an empty house into a home. For Katie and myself there are a few added frustrations. we know that we are not moving into the best neighborhood, so there are certain precautions and dangers that we are aware of. Not to mention the bugs, and other little details that when added together can really be discouraging. but like scripture says: "if God is on our side, then who is against us?" my response always is, no one greater than God, that's for sure!
As Katie and I, along with our many great friends work hard at getting the house cleaned up there were a few days were i was more discouraged than i had been before. I was getting ready to give up and try and find a new place to live, but by God's great mercy and grace, encouragement came at the precise moment that I needed it. People came in and not only listened to our needs and frustrations but they embraced us and helped meet our needs. Only in God's family can this kind of encouragement and blessing be delivered. God is great, and when his people listen and obey, great things are done in His name.

Before...

The house that we are moving into at God's Resort required a lot of work. Here are some of the before pictures.

This is the "reading room" we call it that because it has a big built in bookcase. Our plans are to turn half of it into the kids room. With a table and chairs were they can sit and work on homework or just hang out. and the other half will be just a comfy reading area.

This is the kitchen, during the move it was the central location for all of the supplies that we needed to make the house clean and livable. Thanks to Kyle for re-caulking the sink and an amazing thanks to Jaqui who cleaned out the kitchen and liberated it from (i kid you not) at least a hundred dead cockroaches and re-lined all of our cabinets.

This is the first mouse that we caught at the house. I decided not to name it because he passed away the next morning. Hopefully we won't see very many more of these little furry creatures or Katie may get her wish and we may end up getting a cat.

This is Katie hard at work cleaning her new closet. Frankly shes a little scared of it. She has nicknamed it: THE TORTURE CHAMBER. But now that Timmy came over and filled in some of the wholes were mice and cockroaches could come through shes feeling a lot better about it.

This is Eddie and Emilie Gonzalez. They came over to help. Eddie does a great job of entertaining the kids and Emilie helps out cleaning the carpet in the reading room.

My older sister Erica came by to see if she could help, she brought along her 2month old daughter Ela. Ela was a lot of help. The kids loved her, until she started crying. Thanks for visiting and helping out Erica and Ela.

The gang hanging out while I was sowing the curtains to cover the 21 windows in the house. From left to right we have: Brenda, Sergio, Jaqui, Karen, Starla and Eternity. They are great company, helping out when they can or just keeping us busy answering questions.

Moving to God's Resort

I was driving back from a CIY (Christ In Youth) conference in Illinios when my roommate Katie called me. She had been in Jamaica for the last two weeks and had returned to our apartment while i was away. The reason she called was to tell me how frustrated she was that our apartment was infested with nasty cockroaches. She had come up with an idea to get rid of them: that we move all of our stuff to another apartment and have them spray down the one we where in, the move all of our stuff back. As apealing as this option sounded, i opted to say that if we were going to move all of our stuff; why didnt we just move to God's Resort?
Six months earlier to this proposition, Katie has said the same thing to me and three other girls that had wanted to live together to create a womens haven. A place where people that we met here in Joplin could go and have a place to live, shower, eat and rest for a while. Six months earlier i completely rejected the idea.
At CIY as young highschoolers were accepting Christ, rededicating their lives and deciding to go into vocational ministry; while Mark Moore was preaching about pain, isolation, community and that we where never meant to be alone. I asked the Lord to speak to me, and he did.
So this was how i found myself telling my roommate that we should move to God's Resort.
The night that i returned to Joplin, Katie and i talked about what i would mean to move to God's resort. The next monday we went to the neigborhood and then decided that if our current landlord would release us from our lease we would move.
So here we are now. Moved out of our apartment because we had to be out by the end of the month. Today is the first, the apartment is empty and we returned our keys. All of our belongings are at 312 Pearl St, where sheets are covering the windows, where i caught a mouse under a bucket, and where the basement is so scart we wont even go down there in the day.
But we wil be living in a place were we can make an influence in the lives of kids, were we can show adults how to love, where we can be a shining light reflecting the amazing love of our saviour Jesus Christ.